Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
