I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
