their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
