One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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