Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
