I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize