so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
FUCK WHALES
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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