I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
