4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
