Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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