Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
