Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
