"it" just moved
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
