The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
