When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
