Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Im part way to drunk.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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