Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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