Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.

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(512): View more from Texas

I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.

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(740): View more from Ohio

becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.

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(734): View more from Michigan

It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free

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(352): View more from Florida

The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"

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(630): View more from Illinois

The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.

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(406): View more from Montana

I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.

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