you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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