my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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