just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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