I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize