i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
