no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize