Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Two words: blizzard sex
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