Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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