We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I can't turn off my feet"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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