it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
