i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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