Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
