He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
