theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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