i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize