oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Come on in and take your pants off
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