Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize