Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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