does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
