If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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