i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
