oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize