I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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