By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize