Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
