The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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