Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
