i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
