I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
