Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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