i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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