Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
dude. I can hear the air.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
