Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
