The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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