DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
