Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
