Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize