I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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