My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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