i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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