did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
