there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize