the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
