Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
