I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
