it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize