Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i drank out of a bidet.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Help. Why am I so naked?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize