guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
