Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
