She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize