I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
