Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
